I found my diary from when I was ten years old.
December 12th reads like pure joy…
“I feel great! The Nutcracker Ballet was WOW! Love it! It was….. Wow! I feel so good after the ballet. We went to McDonald’s and I had fries, cheeseburger, and Dr. Pepper! WOW!”
McDonald’s was an epic treat for us, a worthy post-Nutcracker meal.
I had been sick the night before and unsure of whether or not I would make the ballet. It was a true concern for me then, and honestly probably would be the same today.
I love dance, and always have.
I’ve been thinking lately about the things I loved as a child and wondering where they’ve gone in adulthood.
Joy used to be easy.
Some joyful activities in my younger years I’ve outgrown, some were just a phase, but some were part of who I am and they’ve been lost to obligation, plans, and adulting.
Those are the ones that are rooted in my soul and peek out every once in a while.
I’ll see a billboard for a ballerina and think about my pointe shoes.
I’ll hear a young kid talking about wanting to work with dolphins and remember all the posters I had on my walls.
I’ll see a commercial for travel to the jungle and think about the endless books I read on far away places that helped me dream about living an exotic life in the wild.
My dreams are still there, hidden away, pricking my heart every so often to remind me that they’re not dead.
I sent my bestie a Snapchat, complaining about something today. She’s a wonderful sounding board for my bitching. God bless her infinite patience with me.
I have a situation in my business that I desperately want to make happen in a certain way, but it’s looking like it’s not going to happen the way I want it to.
I’ve been trying to find ways to get creative but they keep hitting brick walls.
My bestie took heart and replied in a video to say, “Why does the deficit always have to pull from the abundance?”
Damn.
Fluid dynamics teaches us that fluids naturally flow from areas of high pressure to areas of low pressure.
Our fuller areas of life will naturally flow into areas with void. That’s not a bad thing, but we do have to be aware of what’s coming in and what’s going out.
How much excess have we created, and therefore how much do we have to give?
I talked to my coach about my business situation and realized… I can’t control this one. This one is something that I have to fully surrender to and fully let go and give God.
There is not one ounce of me that can force a particular outcome, and instead of managing the ebbs and flows and ins and outs and abundance and deficit… I can only control one side of this equation.
I can control the abundance.
I can control how much nourishment I give myself.
I can create the outpouring that my life is requiring of me right now as I give up control to the deficit.
In giving in way to the flow, I am giving in to simplification. Ease. Joy. Fewer overcomplications.
Just abundance of joy.
Instead of worrying about whether or not I’ll be well enough for the Nutcracker, I can simply focus on resting, taking care of myself, and being present in the moment. When I do that, not only am I ready for the Nutcracker, but I’m also ready for the cheeseburger.
And then all I can say is… It was….. Wow!
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